Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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May 13, 2017 , , , , , ,

Hardest job I’ve ever had

Worth losing sleep over

A daily test of wills, creativity and patience

Often thankless — always worth it

Teaches self-sacrifice

Randon moments of insanity, bliss and gratitude

A juggling act

Simultaneously draining and fulfilling

MacGuyvering a costume out of dental floss, toilet paper and scotch tape

The chance to see with new eyes

Finding out what you’re made of

Getting really good at counting to 10

Saying fuck under your breath in seven languages

Learning that what is yours is now theirs


Playing the role of Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa

Character building

Finding out just how far a dollar can really stretch

Second chance at getting an A on all those school projects

Finally understanding the phrase “This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you”

Realizing your own mother is a damn saint

Regretting all those times you gave your mom a hard time

Confirmation that your mother is laughing her ass off somewhere, repeatedly stabbing a voodoo doll of you

Having to say I’m sorry, I screwed up

A miraculous feat

Cause for daily celebration

Takes multi-tasking to an entirely new level

Understanding that sixth sense they talk about

Refining the art of fake listening

Reversing your childhood proclamation to never spank your kids

Finding great joy in moments of silence

Never being bored again for the rest of your life

Over-utilizing the 5-second rule

Becoming the world’s greatest athletic supporter

Appreciating pooping solo

Undoubtedly, the most important title you’ll ever have

Monumentally rewarding

Trusting your instincts

Creating a 3-course meal out of corn flakes, half and half and an over ripe banana

Developing a thicker skin

Mastering the art of involuntary head turning every time you hear the word “Mom!”

The most underrated profession

Trusting your Spidy senses

Loving someone else so much it hurts

Happy Mother’s Day

Allison DeFord


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Brilliant post! One of those rare and precious times when you find yourself thinking ‘yep, that’s exactly right’ over and over again. So nice to be reminded that we’re not alone in the madness of motherhood. Bonus: you managed to put it all in a humorous way. Well done!

Liked by 1 person


May 13, 2017

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