Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

You can scroll the shelf using and keys

Purse Shit

October 14, 2016 , , , , , ,

The Shit I Find in My Purse

When my sister and I were kids we used to make fun of mom saying she had everything in her purse but the kitchen sink. Once again, the past comes back to bite me in the ass like a giant butt-munching mosquito.

It never ceases to amaze me every time I peer into my purse the shit I find there. Why is it that a mom’s purse becomes the receptacle for all abandonded articles that no one wants to carry, hold, eat, put away or throw away?! I’ve written about this before and, clearly, I have failed to set a stable perimeter around my purse. It has been compromised!

Here’s a small list of my favorite purse shit (part of the reason why I drink):

mismatched dirty socks

gum-covered pennies

an ecclectic mix of crumbs

broken necklaces

underwear (not mine)

jumbo pack of empty Starbucks gift cards

broken crayons

random barrettes

naked Barbies

temporary tattoos

half-eaten suckers

drive-thru toys

dried booger-covered Kleenex

half-eaten quesadilla

broken sunglasses

Burger King crown (that we HAD to have)

baby doll head

fake fingernails

glue for fake fingernails

iPads, Pods, Phones, Tunes (F-off Steve Jobs)


sticky Tylenol bottle


straw wrappers

nose ring

candy cigarettes

Dick-tacs (Connie)


Luckily, no actual shit has ever been found. Please feel free to add your own shit to this list.

Stay sane my friends.

Allison DeFord


P.S. I appreciate you taking time to read this blog. Don’t forget to subscribe, like, comment and/or share with a mom who needs a good laugh today! xo



What do you think?

Please keep your comments polite and on-topic.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: