Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.
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Over the course of many years and hundred of visits to my “hair whisperer” I’ve ended up with an array of colors in my hair. It’s become my “norm” and it never ceases to surprise and amaze me when, daily, I get comments and compliments from all ages and walks of life. One particular admirer is the office manager at my chiropractor’s office. For over a year she commented on and admired my mop and finally went and had hers done. It looked amazing! A few magenta streaks mixed with the blonde with undertones of dark burgundy truly complimented her natural skin tone and she looked fantastic. After a recent adjustment, I glanced up and noticed that she changed her hair back to straight blonde. “Hey, I said, you changed your hair back…I thought you loved your new do?!” Her reply shocked the shit out of me:
Wait, what???? I replied, “But, it’s your hair!” She shrugged sheepishly and that was that.
I couldn’t stop thinking about this exchange. Why on earth would her husband care how she wears her own hair?! What else does she do just because it makes HIM happy? What about HER happiness? What about what SHE wants? Why did she cave?
I had to ponder this further…
Is this something I do? I suppose there are some things I do because I know it makes Mr. Confessions happy, like making the bed. I have learned, however, that it is imperative that I am confident and comfortable doing what makes me happy, for me! My happiness matters. My opinion matters. My ideas matter. And, in return, I honor and respect my mates happiness, opinions, ideas and hair choices.
WHY? Who does this really benefit? Is her husband really more comfortable or happier if she’s a straight blonde? It’s not like she tattooed spots all over her face. Sure, Mr. Confessions might be less than thrilled if I shaved my head or decided to pierce my eyebrow, but at least I’m confident that he would respect me and support me because it’s something I wanted to do. He would be ok with my decision because it makes ME happy and it’s my body.
Back in high school I witnessed girls submit to their boyfriends demands—to wear certain clothes, do their hair a certain way and talk (or don’t talk to) certain people—all in the name of said boyfriends happiness. Now, thirty years post high school (yes, thirty, for real) I thought such behavior was ancient history. Now, being privy to As the Teenagers Turn I can sadly say, it is not. How is it remotely possible for a teenage girl, in this day and age, to put her boyfriends happiness before her own? Restricting her own choices and behaviors while negating her own happiness. Aren’t we way past this crap?
All in the name of LOVE?
Since when is love about rules, restrictions, limitations and guilt? I call bullshit! Love isn’t about changing the person you’re with, it’s accepting them AS IS. Lord knows, I’ve learned this the hard way. Mr. Confessions and I have been together so long I think we finally met in the middle and it’s a beautiful place to be. I know many women my age and older have been mislead and sold a bill of goods in the love department—self love included. They stay in less than desirable relationships because it’s better than being alone. They were raised to believe anything is better than being alone. That you are complete once you land a mate. And, as far as self love is concerned, that can be construed as selfish and egotistical, if you even make it past judgement and self-loathing. That love is found on the outside instead of within.
But what really blows my mind is watching teenage girls in 2016 still settling for a love substitute. Succumbing to restrictive and ridiculous directives and pressures placed on them by pimple-faced, immature, wannabe men. Where do these boys get off? Who is teaching them this crap? I know media, music and movies play a huge part, but I have to believe that there is a lack of good role models at home for young men who behave this way. This belief is reinforced over and over with cases like Stanford.
Let’s get all crazy and set the example for young girls! Show them what love really looks like. Teach them to love themselves fully and completely without judgement or the need to be controlled and “loved” by another to feel complete. Encourage all women, young and old, to make choices because it makes THEM happy, not someone else. That choosing YOU isn’t selfish. That confidence is the new sexy and that love means acceptance and support of yourself or someone you choose to share any part of your life with. That if you want to put five different colors in your hair, then DO IT.
What’s your take? Do you find yourself regularly doing things that make your husband/mate happy that aren’t really serving you? Are you with me on the teenage girls could use a love reboot? Love to know your thoughts.
With love, my friends!