Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Let’s Get Naked

June 1, 2016 , , , , , , , , , , ,

unitedstatesofnakedIs there a difference between being nude and being naked? If so, do you think one is more acceptable than the other? I’ve spent some vacation time on a nude beach or two and, there, nude is beautiful and perfectly acceptable. Zero judgement. Freedom. Respect. Unless, of course, you run into your boss or someone from your church!

What’s ironic is how the state of naked (or nude) changes over the course of your life.

When babies are naked it’s considered adorable and acceptable – all chunky thighs and soft flawless skin and zero inhibition.

Being naked is still cute when we’re young children until we reach the age of seven and it’s, “Hey, don’t look, I’m naked!” (except for those exceptionally hot summer days when you just have to streak through the sprinkler in the front yard to stay cool)

And, during puberty there aren’t too many people who love the ever-changing hormonal skin they’re in ie: changing in the bathroom stall after gym class. (Maybe that’s just girls?!)

Apparently, teenagers today don’t mind being naked ie: ass cheeks hanging out of shorts and bikinis, sexy selfies and nudes being texted back and forth with complete disregard for future reprocussions.

During college? One word…TOGA!

Early adult years can go one of two ways: short stints of “naked when necessary” or the polar opposite—sleep naked, sunbathe naked, naked vacation and naked movie night. (Ahhh, life  before kids)

The 30’s hit and you’re rocking that naked shit. Still single and 30 and this phrase might ring a bell, “Dude, where are my pants and who are you?”

It’s during your 40’s that your naked shit gets real. People warn you that your body will change as you get older, but someone should seriously paint a clearer picture to prepare you. This is the decade where you look in the mirror and staring back at you is your mother (or father, if you’re a dude)! Yikes! WTH

In your 50’s you may resort to getting your naked self tucked and sucked to keep up with societies distorted view of what we “should” look like naked and that’s a personal choice. But don’t get carried away and go all “Joan Rivers” on us!

Past 60, naked gets tricky. I accidentally saw my great grandma naked once and, let’s just say, I’m now blind in one eye!  Unless you’re Christy Brinkley, you might want to keep your naked ass covered up. These are also the years when you’ll look back at your  40-year old naked self and sigh, “damn I looked good!”

When you’re 70-plus, I call for a free-for-all. Do what the hell you want, when you want and with reckless abandon—and do it in the nude. Call your friends up and have a senior moment, I mean Toga party! Why not?!

As I navigate my United States of Naked, I’m trying like hell to be good with the naked woman staring back at me. This is the only body I’m ever going to have. I might as well love the skin I’m in—no matter what state it’s in.

Celebrate your naked self!  And, if you’re over 40, parade around naked and scare the shit out of your kids…just for fun.

Get naked and stay sane, my friends.


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