Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Stop Believing in Yourself

March 24, 2016 , , , , , , , , , ,

stop-believingDo you believe in who you are? Do you think you have unwanted patterns or personality traits that have been developed over the years and now live inside you? If you do, you’re missing your freedom to create your life from a blank page starting today. You are believing (a very popular) illusion.
-Steve Chandler

Who are you? Think about it for a minute…and then answer this question 12 times, out loud or in writing: “I am (fill in the blank).

Is this really who you are? Or, is it the story you’ve been telling yourself for so long it feels like the truth? Ever say things like, “Oh, that’s just the way I am” or “I was born without the athletic gene” or “I could never learn to do that.”

Guess what? That’s a bunch of shite! It’s not a typo…I said shite! (sounds a little more flowery than shit, don’t you think?!)

The truth is, you are more.

That saying, there’s more to you than meets the eye, is spot on. Life is not set in stone. Life is like a blank page and starting today, you can be whoever and whatever you desire. I get it! I get caught up in believing illusions too. I tell myself, “I’m a bad mom” or “I’m not a good businesswoman” or “I’m not successful enough.” That’s when I stop, drop and roll. (ok, it’s more like stop, brick to the head, take a sip of wine and push reset) I state my belief out loud and ask myself the Byron Katie questions from her app, The Work:

  1. Is this true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (if you answer yes, go to #3)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Does that bring peace or stress into your life (if you answer stress, go to #5)
  5. What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that thought and witness those images?
  6. What emotions arise when you believe that thought?
  7. Do any obsessions or additions begin to appear when you believe that thought?
  8. How do you treat the person (could be you) in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?
  9. Who would you be without the thought?
  10. Turn the thought around. (example: He hurt me. turnaround: I hurt me.)
  11. Now, find at least 3 specific genuine examples of this turnaround is true for you in this situation.

I highlighted the four major questions that help me turnaround my beliefs and move forward. Moving toward creation instead of stuck in illusion. I’ll admit, sometimes it’s not easy. The beliefs are so ingrained that it feels like it would take a lobotomy to change them.

The frightening thing is, that it can start at a young age. 8 Going on 18 gets frustrated and has these little meltdowns. My sister and I call it the Green Monster. When the Green Monster comes out all bets are off. I watch my daughter dive into a spiral and say the most awful things. She’ll say, “I wish I was never born…I’m a bad child…I’ll never be able to learn that.” Mind you, we don’t ever speak to her that way, so I am shocked and curious where these thoughts come from. I’ve considered an exorcism, but rely on my child psychology skills instead. I’m going to do my best to teach her that thoughts are not reality. Just because you label yourself doesn’t mean it’s true. And, to practice being gracious and patient with yourself.

Life is too short to believe bad shit about yourself.

Stop believing in the illusions. Be who you want to be. The only person holding you back, is you.

Check out this video, only two minutes long, that master coach Steve Chandler sent to the members of his coaching school. It can help people (you and me) who are miserable because they believe in themselves (and their so-called permanent patterns)

Stay sane, my friends.

Allison DeFord

P.S. Know anyone else who is stuck believing in themselves? Share this and empower them with a gentle brick to the head. They’ll thank you!


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