Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Stop Crying Over Spilled Wine

March 17, 2016

crying_spilledwine8 Going on 18: Mom, learning this speech is stressing me out!

Me: YOU, learning this speech is KILLING me…
Mommy needs another glass of wine, STAT!

This was a recent exchange between me and my youngest that made me think, “Stop crying over spilled milk, kid, you can do this! The time and energy you’re spending on worrying and fretting and complaining could, instead, be put towards actually memorizing the damn speech!” And, as usual, I thought of the parallel with adults and how we handle stressful situations. How much time do you waste crying over spilled wine?

None, right?! Because we never spill wine! Duh! And, if we do, we exclaim, “Well, shit!” and we clean it up and pour another glass and go on about our morning evening. No time wasted crying. We clean it up and move on.

Now, think about other situations where you:
…have piles of papers on your desk
…have a mountain of laundry to do
…get in a fight with your significant other
…don’t get that raise you deserved
…don’t see the number change on the scale
…feel like you’ll never have another creative idea
…can’t find Mr. Right
…win the Bad Mom award
…lose a client/patient/customer
…wreck your car
…are late for an appointment
…forget a meeting
…forget to pick your kids up
…miss a softball game
…have financial challenges

Do you find that you typically spend more time on the problem or the solution?

If my kids spent HALF as much time focused on solving their problems i.e.: cleaning their room, taking out the trash, talking with the boyfriend face to face or memorizing that speech, rather than lamenting and complaining and worrying about them, how much more could they accomplish in less time?! My house would be spotless!

It’s certainly true for me. It starts with awareness. If you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time “thinking” about a particular situation, step back and ask yourself, “What is the actual objective?” “What did I learn from the challenge?” “What action could I take to change this situation?” Then, get out of your own head and out of your own way.

Staying inside our own heads keeps us immobile. I find that “thinking” too much about those stacks of papers on my desk doesn’t actually file them for me. I have to do that. How? By filing them. By getting up out of my chair and out of my head and actually just putting those papers into folders. Close drawer. Done! Same thing with laundry or making dinner. I can spend a great deal of time “thinking” about how I don’t want to do any of it. Or, I can just go throw a load in and then fire up the grill and throw something on it. “Here kids, we’re having grilled bologna on toasted leftover rolls with some cereal and a half eaten banana.” (It doesn’t have to always be a work of art.)

And, what about bigger worries—like, getting new clients or customers or work in a bad economy. Does it make more sense to sit around lamenting over the President and taxes and wars and the Kardashian’s social media mishaps? Or, could you actually solve your dilemmas if you picked up the phone, wrote a letter, created a campaign or started a petition to have the Kardashians deported. The point is, take an action. Any action. As long as it’s outside of your own head.

What have you been crying over? What’s taking up your think-time instead of your do-time? What could you do for 5 minutes that would take a little stress off your plate?

Stay sane, my friends.

P.S. Now, clean up that wine and go get some shit done!

Allison DeFord

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