Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Butt Cancer and the Gin-giv-i-ties

March 8, 2016 , , , , , , , , ,

shutterstock_17812225Dentists across the globe have been warning us about this for years. It’s a common and mild form of gum disease (periodontal disease) that causes irritation, redness and swelling (inflammation) of your gums. Because it can be mild, you may not be aware that you have it.

And, if you’re 7 years old, you may not even know it exists at all. (Mostly because you don’t watch the news and you can’t read yet.) But, when you discover it for the first time, it is shocking(ly funny)?!

(Both of my daughters getting ready in the bathroom…about a year ago)
7 Going on 17:  Sissy, what’s the gin-giv-i-ties?

15 Going on 30:  What? (annoyed to be spoken to so early in the morning)

7 Going on 17:  Gin-giv-i-ties…

15 Going on 30:  (still annoyed) That’s not even a word…what are you talking about?!

7 Going on 17:  It says right here on the toothpaste tube…prevents Gin-giv-i-ties…that’s a bad thing, right?!

15 Going on 30:  OMG! That’s gingivitis, silly! (teenage tone softens…laughing her ass off)

………………………………………………………….

shutterstock_156914555

The other disease that YOU may not have heard of is spreading across bathrooms everywhere. Doctors are baffled and struggling to find a cure. And, there’s no better time to discuss this with your children than when you’re in a super large, super crowded bathroom, with, like fifty stalls….

(8 Going on 18 and I each step into a bathroom stall…at a church function)
ME: 
Honey, don’t forget to use a seat cover…

8 Going on 18:  (Silence) (Pause) Why? Will I get butt cancer?

ME:  Oh my Lord! Could you say that any louder?! Yes, you will get butt cancer if you don’t use one.

8 Going on 18:  (Giggling) ….(Silence; thinking) Mom!

ME:  Yes?

8 Going on 18:  Really?! (scared shitless)

ME:  (I could scar her for life right now or tell her I’m joking…..oh the dilemma….)

Stay sane, my friends.

Allison

P.S. Brush your teeth and always use a seat cover! 😉

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