Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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That’s Not Breakfast Food!

February 4, 2016 , , , , , , , , ,

breakfast_disgustWaffles, french toast, cereal and milk, toast with butter or bagels and cream cheese…all breakfast foods, right?! 

Now, what happens when these items are unavailable because you forgot to hit Trader Joe’s on your way home from work? You punt! You drink some Naked Green juice or eat some dry cereal OR toast that pretzel bread you found in the back corner of the fridge and slap some cream cheese on it. You could also have a couple hard-boiled eggs or fruit. Yummy! Right?!

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Those are not breakfast foods. They do not even belong in the breakfast food category. Duh! Suggesting such things is so dumb.

(According to 8 Going on 18)

  • The funky multi-grain bread in the fridge is NOT real bread and you can’t make toast out of it.
  • The little cubes of butter we saved from that restaurant are NOT proper butter for your toast.
  • That generic cream cheese is not the Philadelphia kind and it doesn’t taste good.
  • The Trader Joe’s Rice Crispies are old and don’t taste good.
  • The bananas we have are slightly brown.
  • There’s not enough orange juice to fill up the cup, so that won’t work either.
  • Hardboiled eggs won’t fill me up!
  • There’s nothing to eat in this house for breakfast and I’m going to have to go to school hungry. This is not fair!

(INSIDE VOICE: I hope you starve to death and shut the hell up because you’re giving me a stomach ache and harshing my morning mellow!) I give up! Yes, dear, you’re right…clearly none of those are breakfast food and you’re going to have to go hungry. What was I thinking?! Thank you for schooling me on proper morning nutrition. You poor thing!

Stay sane, my friends.

Allison DeFord

 

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