Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Do Professional Dads Lead a Different Life?

September 3, 2015 , , , , , , , , , ,

Would professional dads do this?

As a professional mom—a female working professional whose also a mother—I often wonder, as I sit in meetings with professional dads—male working professional whose also a father—if their morning was anything like mine. Kids, pets, breakfast, packing lunches, arguing, school drop off, back home to grab the forgotten homework, baby poop under your fingernail, etc. You know, the usual!

Many of the men I encounter in my professional life have spouses who stay at home with the kids OR they also work AND handle the bulk of the child-rearing duties. So, I imagine these professional dads have quite a different life than me. It begs the question, “Do professional dads lead a different life?” Do they have an advantage over me because they got more sleep, hit the gym and didn’t have to drop each kid off at a different school while juggling a cup of coffee and woofing down a ThinkThin bar while simultaneously applying mascara and weaving in and out of traffic on the 405 this morning? (and, dammit, is that a dried booger on my sleeve?!)

I know there are plenty of professional dads who can relate to the balancing act that is professional life and parenthood. I get that. However, it sure feels like the majority of professional dads have it easier than professional moms. Maybe “easier” isn’t even the right word. Maybe the right word is simply “different.” They just live a different life than we do. I suppose the “easier” label is based on your perspective, or how hormonal you are that day. Maybe because our lives are truly a well-orchestrated balancing act WE actually have the upper hand.

Shoot! We do things on a daily basis most professional dads have never even dreamed of, much less, experienced:

  1. START YOUR PERIOD during an important merger meeting and feel it soaking your fancy yet practical undies from Victoria Secret. (bad day for white pants)
  2. FEEL YOUR MILK “come down” after receiving a big hug from the CEO. (blouse change)
  3. BREAK A HEEL while running to the subway. (I hate heels)
  4. BREAST FEED in the 10th floor bathroom in between meetings. (breast pump sounds like a vibrator, NICE)
  5. POINT TO THE NEXT POWERPOINT SLIDE and realize you have baby poop under your nail. (good Lord, I hope no one smells it)
  6. TAKE NOTES IN PURPLE CRAYON during a Skype meeting, while working from home with a sick kid. (isn’t there a pen in this house)
  7. JUGGLE a vet visit, dental appointment, school drop off and dry-cleaning pick up all before 9:30am. (isn’t it five o’clock somewhere)
  8. MANAGE AN EXPLOSIVE DIAPER, dog humping your leg and important conference call all at the same time. (nobody would believe this)
  9. NOT GET THE ACCOUNT because you don’t have a penis. (of course that young man is a seasoned expert…RIGHT)
  10. GET A TEXT BEFORE LUNCH, “what are we eating for dinner tonight?” (seriously)
  11. GET RANDOM TEXTS ALL DAY about girl drama or boyfriend troubles. (first world problems kid, get over it)
  12. DEMONSTRATE THE PROPER WAY TO INSERT A TAMPON, prior to arriving at work to run the morning staff meeting. (teenage daughters)
  13. CLEAN UP DOG AND CHILD VOMIT while wearing a fancy suit and heels. (instant hot flash)
  14. GET A CALL FROM SCHOOL, right before a big presentation, regarding your preschooler and something about keeping pants on and playing house. (mortified while giggling)
  15. HAVE YOUR CHEST OGGLED upon meeting a new colleague. (my face is up here)
  16. TWEEZE EYEBROWS, clip nails and trim some bangs (none of which are yours) while mentally preparing for the big Acme Brands pitch in an hour and a half. (super cape ON)
  17. DELIVER THE MARKETING PITCH OF YOUR LIFE even though you were up all night with insomnia and hot flashes. (fucking menopause)

I’m in no way putting down men or insinuating that they do nothing to help with the kids or handle a balancing act. (Mr. Confessions is super) What I’m merely noting are some major difference between professional moms and professional dads. Curious if the majority of you see similar patterns or is this “different” life we lead all in my head.

I also suggest that maybe this “difference” we experience causes us to show up differently. That it may actually be to our advantage. We are, in fact, genius multi-taskers. We are resilient and resourceful. We can function on 10 minutes of sleep. We can wake from a dead sleep to feed a baby or remedy an ear ache or let the dog out before he pukes. We can remove a stain faster than Martha Stewart on crack. We know when you’re sick before you do. We can sprint in heels. We have the ability to consume staggering amounts of wine and still function like a mortal human. We can have a mental breakdown in the bathroom and then turn around and save the world with style and grace. Our instincts and intuition are our super powers. “Viva la difference!”

Stay sane, my friends.


P.S. What has your experience been? Am I in left field here? Leave a comment below. Consider sharing this with a friend or colleague who could totally relate or who needs a good laugh. And, thank you for taking time out of your Wonder Woman day to read this. I appreciate you!


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OMG I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks!!! I can relate to every single thing you have written about. There is definitely a difference between the sexes when it comes to parenting and professions. I don’t think a professional man, or any man for that reason, could ever possibly comprehend what we as professional moms do. Thanks for keeping it real and doing so with a fabulous sense of humor!!!

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September 3, 2015

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