Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Alright, who did this?

August 27, 2015 , , , , , , ,

Alright, who did this?Originally published in 2013, this list has since been revised and you can only imagine…

 

I often wonder what aliens would think if they came to Earth to observe our culture. What they would think if they sat in my house for one day and just listened to the crazy things I say. The questions that come out of my mouth even sound insane to me. On any given day this is what might be overheard and reported back to the mother ship:

Whose chewed gum is this stuck to my table?

Why is there a spoon in the freezer?

Who pooped and didn’t flush?

Is this underwear clean or dirty?

Why is the dog wearing lipstick?

Since when is the floor a hamper?

Why is there cereal in my bed?

Why are my high heels out in the garage?

Do I look like a bank?

What died in my car?

Does everyone need to be in the bathroom while I poop?

Is this a dried booger on the wall?

Who drew on the furniture?

Why do YOU think my boobs are hangy?

Why did I come into this room?

Am I speaking Chinese?

Have you seen my daughter?

Why am I the only one who can change the toilet paper roll?

Why is the dog leash on the baby doll?

What is that smell and why aren’t we all dead?

Can you stop speaking Whinese so I can understand you?

Were you raised by pigs?

Whose children are you?

Who put a burrito in my purse?

What happened to all the cash I had in my wallet?

How many fundraisers does it take?

Why do you suck at the quiet game?

Why are there dirty panties in my purse (and they’re not mine)?

Who painted the doorbell with black nail polish?

Why are there gum wrappers and a fish stick in my bed?

Can you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Do YOU think Santa is real?

Is your knocker broken?

Why is the remote control in the bushes out front?

Do I want to know what that residue is in the bathtub?

 

Stay sane, my friends. Nanoo Nanoo

allisondeford

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comments

every single one of these had me laughing lol the things we go through as moms

Liked by 1 person

whitneyellis90yahoocom

September 23, 2015

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