Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Remember to Breathe

August 25, 2015 , , , , , , , , , ,

breathing_handsupRecently, I picked up a new magazine and instantly fell in love. It’s called Happinez and I’m pretty sure they created this magazine just for moi! It’s chalk full of beautiful photography, creativity, rich content and beautiful reminders of all the happiness that exists within and outside us.

As a kid I was generally happy all the time (except for that self-destructive hair pulling phase when I was 7) and then in my 30’s something shifted. I now refer to it as the Gray Period. A period in which I battled self-loathing, negative thoughts, mood swings and mild depression. Fun times! One day my creative partner turned to me and said, “I don’t know what’s happening, but this is not you!” “Where’s your happy?”

Brick to the head! She was right. This wasn’t me. Where had I gone? Who was I really? It was clear that I either had to remedy this behavior and find my happy place again or drive off a freeway overpass. Since I’m sitting here writing this blog post, it’s clear I opted for happy.

Happinez Magazine…Breath Your Way to HappinessIn this inaugural issue of my new favorite magazine, they featured an interview with Rajshree Patel“Breathe your way to happiness.” Now, to anyone who hasn’t “done the work” (journaled, soul searched, prayed, meditated, exercised, acquired a PhD in self help, hired a coach or therapist, etc.) this might sound like rubbish…breathing your way to happiness. It’s bullshit, right?! I’m here to tell you, this is a real thing, people! Our breathing is our greatest source for being present and for accessing our inner happiness whenever we choose. Think of it as the O2 bridge.

Then I started thinking about all the different breathing we actually do in our lifetime and what an impact it has on us:

IN UTERO : gulp gulp (amniotic fluid)

BIRTH : gasp (real O2)

TODDLER : holding our breath (temper tantrum)

TWEEN : deep gasp (first time you saw a scary movie)

TEEN : guffaw (disgusted with our parents)

TEAM TRYOUTS : huffing and puffing (OMG, I’m going to die on this field)

YOUNG ADULT : huh, huh, huh, huh, huh (first time you have sex)

IN LOVE : ahhhhhhhhhh (dopamine high)

GETTING ENGAGED : quick gasp mixed with shriek (they ask you to spend a lifetime with them)

NEWLY MARRIED : breathless (surreal and magical)

MARRIED AWHILE : long sigh (fighting about money and sex again)

PREGNANT : hh hh hh hh (shallow and short; get this baby out of me)

GIVING BIRTH : hee hee hoo hoo (stupid breathing from lamaze that doesn’t work)

FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL/ELEMENTARY/JR. HIGH/HIGH SCHOOL : difficulty breathing (trying not to cry and swallow the golf ball in your throat)

IRS AUDIT : breathless again (coupled with blood draining from your face…how much do I owe?)

GRAY DAY : short shallow, gasping for air (hurts to breathe through the tears)

CRUCIAL CLIENT CONVERSATION : long slow deep breaths (I’m listening and I will fix this)

LOSING A PARENT :  breathless, can’t get air (feeling alone and small and helpless)

HORMONAL : rapid breaths coupled with snarling (I could cut a bitch)

FIRST TIME YOU MEDITATE : long, slow, deep breath (cough, cough, is time up yet?)

YOGA : in and out, in and out (wow, this is like a drug!)

INTERMEDIATE MEDITATOR : innnnn and outttttt, innnnn and outttttt (I think I’m watching myself from above)

MENOPAUSE : gasping, short, shallow (take me Jesus, I’m melting from the inside out)

HAPPINESS : chest rises and falls, diaphragm expands and contracts (smiling uncontrollably any time I want)


Sure, I still struggle sometimes with tapping into my happiness. It’s a journey. It’s life. What I do know is that it’s a practice. And, you know what they say about practice….it makes perfect. I choose to say “practice makes imperfect…embraceable and beautiful.”

Be sure to check out Happinez and the article about breathing your way to happiness. Patel’s insights are fascinating and enlightening. Get happy!

Stay sane, my friends.




P.S. Did I forget any important breathing? Look forward to your thoughts in the comments below. Remember, sharing is caring. Pass this along to someone you know who might need a laugh or some insight into how to get closer to happy.




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