Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Cloudy with a Chance of Bite Me

December 4, 2014 , , , , , , , , , ,

Cloudy with a chance of Bite Me!There are those days when I open my eyes, realize it’s a new day, say “thank you” quietly, kick Jillian Michaels ass, shower, put my Wonder Woman underwear on and spend the next 12 hours creating one more gorgeous notch on my lipstick case. Hit me with your best shot!

Lucky Undies

Then, there are days like, today, for example. The forecast is “cloudy with a chance of bite me!” Grab your umbrella, duck and cover folks. Looks like it could be a shit storm.

Oddly enough, I might wake up believing it’s going to be a “Pat Benatar– kind-of-day” and then it dawns on me that every single thought filling my brain could rival that of a Will Ferrell/John C. Reilly movie: Fuck that! Fuck you! What the fuck?! Fuckin ass fucker! Fuck that noise! Fuck Me! Oh Lord, this could get ugly.

I proceed to disect WHY this is happening:
Did I drink too much wine last night? Probably.
Did I go to bed angry. No!
Did I get enough sleep? Yes!
Did I have to sleep outside? No!
Is my world falling apart? No!
Did someone stab me with an ice pick in my sleep? No!


Is it hormones? Weather? A full moon? Schizophrenia? Why does this happen? I’d much prefer the “Patty B” kind of day, with a side of Katy Perry, thank you very much. Make this stop. Find one good thing. Think a happy thought. Pull your head out of your ass, woman.


I could start with the WHY to figure out the HOW. Why do I want to stop having hateful thoughts? Why should I want to love people instead of stab them? Why do I want to go conquer the world instead of hide under the covers?

Because I choose happy and grateful, that’s why. This forecast is an energy suck and it’s bringing me down. (song lyrics abound) I choose to build up rather than tear down. I choose to create, support and give. I choose owner versus victim.

Now that I know WHY, how do I change the forecast? Turn my mind off. Stop thinking. Start doing. The more I stay in action the less time I have to swim in the pity pool or stand in judgement. Standing being the key word there. As I tell my daughters, less THINK, more DO. It’s also helpful to write down what I’m grateful for until my hand cramps. Seriously, this works wonders. Also, taking a walk never hurts either.


Change the scene, stop thinking, get up and do. Instant happy! Somebody call Fritz Coleman and tell him the forecast has changed! What’s the weather like in your personal air space today?

Stay sane, my friends.

Allison DeFord


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Girl, you’ve go more than the secret sauce…you are the full package. This post is just another case in point 🙂



December 5, 2014

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