Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

You can scroll the shelf using and keys

Never Thought I’d…

May 9, 2014 , , , , , , , , , , ,

I never thought I'd...There are many things in life you plan on doing…grow up, drive a car, go to college, get married, work late, sleep in, start your own business, frame your first dollar, taste champagne, try karaoke, have sex, make babies, make memories. You get the picture.

Then there are some you never ever thought you’d do in a million years.

I never thought I’d…

…nearly kill my baby sister (death by clippy in mouth)

…cover for my sister when my mom found her birth control pills

…watch my dad die of AIDS

…marry my high school sweetheart and live happily ever after

…wait until I was 32 to have a kid

…ask my co-worker to run to Walgreens to buy me Tucks, stool softener and giant maxi pads

…wait until 39 to have the next kid

…see a small head come out of my vagina with my co-worker watching

…go to a meeting with baby poop under my fingernails

…take notes during an important business call with purple crayon with a baby on my hip

…apologize to my mother for being such a know-it-all ass-hole while growing up

…get a tattoo (and want more)

…consider the bathroom a coveted “destination” for a mini stay cation

…make money doing what I love

…change a diaper on the tailgate outside of Sam’s Club

…catch my 2-year old squating over her pillow and pooping

…need to take stock out in tweezers and laser hair removal

…fish real live turds out of the bathtub with my own bare hands

…consider Target or the grocery store my happy place

…go to 16,955 softball games and actually enjoy it (insert flask here)

…stick my finger in every orifice of my kids bodies be it constipation, excess wax or boogers

…walk through a hurricane in the Dominican Republic

…be a “room mom” or “team mom”

…let my kids eat candy for breakfast

…get my hair died pink

…still have acne at 46

…have and be a Super Friend

…go broke buying shoes, face wash, tampons and makeup for someone other than myself

…start a blog

…find gray hair some place other than on my head

…be best friends with my sister

…no longer care what my mother thinks about my choices

…think “silence is golden”

…live the  life of my dreams

 

What have you done that you never thought you’d do in a million years…

Stay sane, my friends.

allisondeford

Advertisements

What do you think?

Please keep your comments polite and on-topic.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

comments

Yeah for pink hair! It’s amazing the things you do, primarily as a mother to other, live human beings, that don’t phase you at the time but when you look back….Whoa! Catching vomit, hitting refresh a zillion times to sign your kid up for some activity, staying up late putting cakes together in the shape of Star Wars characters….recently I said something I never thought I would say under any context: “They’re in the weapons box. Did you look in the weapons box??” Happy Mother’s Day!

Like

dhonour

May 9, 2014

There’s nothing better to start my day than catching up on missed posts for inspiration , a good laugh (sometimes til tears) and realizing …Wow I’m not the only one that feels that way. As always thanks for sharing your life and making all of us take stock

Like

Antonia Rosas

September 24, 2014

%d bloggers like this: