Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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*I Do Not Suck!

April 3, 2014 , , , , , , , ,

A+As a little kid, you’re pretty self confident about most everything. The other day, “6 Going on 16” exclaimed (as we’re riding in the car), “I am a great singer!” “I am also a great artist!” “I also like it that I have blue eyes and a missing tooth!” (aka: She Does Not Suck) Pure, unadulterated confidence.

Then somewhere around turning double digits that unadulterated self confidence takes a turn down Whatotherpeoplethink Lane and Notgoodenough Street. Inner Mean Girl=2,596, You=5.

Some of that confidence is regained in college and in your 20’s…feelin’ smart, good lookin and you got the world by the tail. Then you decide that being a parent would be the most rewarding wonderful role you could play. You endure 9 months of vomiting, pickles and ice cream, mood swings and a new intimate relationship with your body pillow and bring a beautiful mini you into the world. You’ve never been a parent before, but you are pretty confident that you will figure it all out and this baby will love you back and essentially worship the ground you walk on. (ok, maybe that was just me)

Then that precious little bundle begins observing the world around her and then blossoms into a full-fledged Hormone Helen…

“Mommy, why does your stomach stick out? You’re fat!”

“Your breath smells!”

“Why do your boobs sag like that…can I swing from them?”

“Why is your butt hanging out of those underwear? Ewww!”

“I can’t believe you didn’t wash my sweatshirt AND we’re going to be late to school; why can’t you get up earlier?”

“Why can you never pick us up right after school? Why do you have to work?”

“You’re so embarrassing!”

“Could you and Dad not have sex while we’re home…I can hear you. Gross!”

“Why do you drink so much wine?”

And, then it’s off to the tattoo parlor for a permanent “I SUCK” inked across my forehead, for all the world to see. Like a scarlet letter of sorts. An honorary member of the “Here’s Your Sign” club.

Then just when you think you can’t do anything right and you really haven’t mastered this whole mom thing…your little one takes your face in her hands and very seriously says, “You are the best Mom in the whole wide world and I love you so much!”

And then, to top that off, 14 Going on 4o looks at me with utter dismay¬†(during a deep mother daughter sitting in the car in front of the house discussion) and says, “You are absolutely the coolest Mom ever and all my friends think so too!”

Guess what?


Stay sane, my friends.


P.S. *Except when appropriate! ha ha ha BOO-YAH


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