Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Professional Mom’s Survival Guide

April 15, 2013 , , , , , , , , , ,

Professional Mom's Survival GuideI keep getting asked when I’m going to finish my book. I’m happy to announce that it will be completed by the end of this year. (hold me accountable here) In the meantime, here are a few truths from the front lines…and remember, it’s the journey, right?!

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TRUTHS that no one talks about

1. During pregnancy, remain optimistic that, in fact, you CAN have it all. (and your feet and vagina will return to their normal size, eventually.)

2. Hormones are real and can be considered a leathal weapon. Use them to your advantage.

3. Remove the rose-colored glasses when it comes to working from home and caring for a small child. It’s fucking hard, ask for help!

4. When you find poop under your fingernail during an important meeting, don’t freak out! No one else can smell it but you. It will wash off.

5. It’s perfectly acceptable to take notes during a meeting in crayon. Purple is my first choice.

6. Your memory may never return. Live with it. (sorry you ever made fun of your grandmother, now aren’t you?!)

7. See your mothers body…welcome to your future. (I know, I know, I didn’t believe it either.)

8. When your toddler (preschooler, teenager, et al) throws a temper tantrum in public (IT WILL HAPPEN) just start laughing hysterically (think Tom Hanks in The Money Pit) and tell the women staring at you, “Can you even believe what a horrible mother I am?!”

9. Never step foot with your child(ren) onto an airplane without children’s night time Benedryl. (I’m not even joking.)

10. Always carry a flask. You just never know.

11. Prozac can save your life. (Tom Cruise can suck it.)

12. Don’t ever forget that you come first. Lose the guilt. It serves no one.

13. Create a sacred space for yourself every day. (Even if it’s for 15 minutes and you have to get up at zero dark thirty.) You’ll thank me.

14. Self love will set you free. Turn off the inner mean girl. (actually, hire a hit man and snuff her out completely)

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Until next time…

Stay sane, my friends.

allisondeford

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comments

YOU ROCK!!!! Can’t wait…funny funny funny. Xoxoxo

Sent from my iPhone

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pigtailsandsunshine

April 15, 2013

Book?!!!?!!!! AWESOME! I’ll be first in line to get one! 🙂

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Kristie Lundquist Bannister

April 16, 2013

I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE THIS IN MY HANDS!!! You know I will hold you to it…SO excited! Mwah!

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mussart

April 16, 2013

Fabulously clever, creative and funny.

Christina M. Haakenson Founder | Executive Creative Director

J U V E 7602 Talbert Avenue, Suite C Huntington Beach, California, 92648

t + 1 714 841 9600 f + 1 714 908 8051 http://www.juvecreative.com

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Christina Haakenson | JUVE

April 30, 2013

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