Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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My Children Keep Finding Me!

March 19, 2013 , , , , , , , , , ,

My Children Keep Finding Me!It is my determination that once impregnated with child there is a residual gift that keeps on giving long after you’ve given birth. It’s a homing device. It becomes implanted deep inside the lining of your uterus and is only removable by force or a blunt object, whichever is handy. (Studies indicate that men are device-free)

You see, I keep hiding from my children and they keep finding me. They can’t seem to find the dinner table when it’s time to eat, or the dishwasher (aka: cup repository), the hamper or the remote control. Yet, without hesitation, they can find me whenever I’m on the phone, in the bathroom, reading the Sunday Parade or hiding in the closet with a bottle of wine. They even find me when I’ve taken refuge outside, while seeking momentary solitude before completely losing it. Run for your life, kid, I’m gonna blow! They seem to find me when I’m working late, sitting on the freeway or strolling aimlessly through the aisles of Target. (damn cell phone)

Some days it feels like there is no “me” time. Although I give it my all to get creative, create the space, plan the little moments of zen, inevitably it goes south. (OK, not EVERY time…I’m being dramatic, go with me here) When this creativity and planning yields a 5-year old staring at me at 5am, while I’m trying to become the mistress of zen, I get a little cranky. The ultimate challenge is how I respond. “Go away honey, mom is having her quiet time to stay sane and you’re ruining it!” “What the hell are you doing up at 5am, dummy, this is my f*cking quiet time!” “Are you possessed–how do you keep showing up!”

No, I go with appropriate and nurturing and invite her to sit on my lap, give her a hug and prod her back into bed for another two hours while smiling sweetly. (ugh, so hard to take the high road) It takes everything in me to choose appropriate and nurturing sometimes. Seriously, do I need to get up in the middle of the night to pull this off?!

This is a vexing dilemma. I adore my kids and, although, spending every waking minute with them would be just awesome…I desperately need a little time to have a thought. To take a breath. To be quiet. Granted, I am a professional and I have time during the commute and time at the office without children chatting me up or sitting on my lap or watching me poop. Maybe it’s the chunks of home time that drain me. The morning between 6:45-8:15 can be a frenzy of chattering, complaining, crying, sweatshirt reconnaissance, cereal irritation, UFC take down and/or the dreaded “hair poof dilemma.” The evening is a similar experience. From 5-9 there is no end to chores, day-sharing, girl drama reenactment and the requests for water and/or monster wrangling. Overwhelmed, party of one!

I confess, I am truly grateful for my kids. Grateful for time spent with them and without. I am, however, still in search of a healthy balance—of that alone time that centers me, reminds me who I am and why I am on this planet. And for a way to remove this annoying device from inside my body. Anyone have some pliers or a blow torch?

Stay sane, my friends.

allisondeford

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comments

What IS IT ABOUT THE PHONE??? Why do they have emergencies every time you pick up the phone? There should be a study.

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dhonour

April 6, 2013

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