Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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False Positive

January 9, 2013 , , , , , , , ,

False PositiveNo, no, I’m not referring to a pregnancy test. Good Lord! Those days are over for this girl.

False Positive is the term I’ve given the first week of school when the kids trick you by waking up early, getting dressed without a fuss, eating breakfast and actually putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, remembering lunches and P.E. clothes and there’s no blood or loss of limb. We’re magically out the door and to school early and my chi is still in tact. This lasts for all of one week and then reality sets in.

Why am I talking about the first week back to school in January? Excellent question! This is the first week back to school AFTER THE CHRISTMAS BREAK. It is False Positive #2. They tricked me in September and dammit if it’s not going to happen again next week. Oh sure, this week has been just delightful. They awaken on their own. Tickle each other. There’s giggling and smiling and kind words. They’re dressed, hair coiffed, cereal ingested and we’re out the door and I’m still smiling. WTF! I know what’s coming next week. I’ll not be fooled.

I resolve to enjoy every minute of this decadence that is my children’s secret evil plot to take me to the brink of insanity. I will relish their smiles and giggles and camaraderie and getting out the door five mornings in a row without my heart palpating out of my chest. I will praise them in the hope that they may remember this feeling over the next twenty weeks and draw from it to reenact this sanity — this wonderful joyous experience that leaves me calm and collected and free from the urge to head to the nearest bar and down a cocktail at eight o’clock in the morning.

After all, it’s all about me!

WARNING: Don’t be fooled by the False Positive. You can thank me later.

Stay sane, my friends.



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Be thankful that you get a week of cheeriness. I don’t even get a day!



January 9, 2013

Not even a week? Ok, I feel spoiled now. 😉


Allison DeFord

January 9, 2013

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