Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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I’m So Not Martha!

November 28, 2011 , ,

Not Martha's Plant

Morning rush hour at my house is coming to an end before we head out the door to school. I’m adding the finishing touches to my kick-ass-meet-with-a-new client ensemble when I grab my nicest watch (not to mention, the only one that would look good with this outfit) when I notice the battery is kaput. Seriously, why do these things happen when you’re running out the door? I know you’re thinking, it’s a watch. Big deal! Well, I did what any professional mom would do, I punted and wore it anyway. My daughter thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. This watch was the finishing touch and I was wearing it no matter what.

I had this foolish notion, that I would have some time to run by a watch place on the way to my meeting and have them pop a battery in. Yeah! That didn’t happen. Oh well, hoped the client wouldn’t notice. I’d just play it off and be all surprised, like, “Oh darn, my watch stopped! What do you know….but it does look perfect with my outfit now doesn’t it?!”

Now, this miniscule dilemma caused me to pause and think about all the other things I find hard to keep up with and I then thought, “what would Martha Stewart do?” I’m sure she’d have planned ahead and taken all her watches in for new batteries last quarter. I’m so not her. I feel like I already have so many things on the calendar, I can’t bear to add “turn soil over in garden” and “change watch batteries” or “flip mattresses.” I guess this might actually be a solution to my dilemma. Putting all those things on the calendar that I tend to forget about until the most inopportune moment.

I think there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to be THAT organized. It seems so anal. So “plan every minute.” I think that scares me. Feels “over the top.”  Am I just being resistant to change? Am I afraid of being too “together?” ha ha ha ha – NO! I guess it just feels overwhelming. You know, 28 days out of the month. There are those two whole days when I feel I could rule the world, I’m just that good! (wink) More than two days would be ideal. Brrrring! Yes, I’d like to feel insanely confident and powerful and beautiful more than two days a month. Thank you very much!

Besides my watch battery dilemma there are many other occasions on which I’m so not Martha. For example:

+ We’ve run out of toilet paper…and Kleenex, shit

+Friends dropped by and I’m out of milk and have enough wine to fill one glass

+The dry cleaning hasn’t been dropped off in two months

+The eaves are filled with leaves

+My plants are so neglected they’ve put up a FOR SALE sign

+The dog needs to visit the groomers so people quit mistaking him for a cotton ball

+I still haven’t sent out thank you notes for the girls birthdays…six months ago

+The inside of my car looks like a Starbucks lobby that hasn’t been bussed in a week

+The doctor has called 10 times to remind me that my kids are behind on their shots (sorry about the malaria, kids)

+Next to my desk there’s a stack of industry magazines I’ve been meaning to look at since 1982

+The dust in my office is threatening to ban together creating a giant dust bunny that will take over the city

+I buy overpriced gift wrap instead of making it myself

+I use store-bought herbs instead of growing them in my garden

+I don’t have a garden

Please tell me you’re LIKE Martha Stewart, so I can secretly hate you. Tell me you’ve got this all handled all the time and so efficient SHE calls you for advice. Teach me how to be like you. I am your humble bumbling servant.

Tell me how you’re LIKE Martha, cause I’m so not.

Stay sane, my friends.


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My FAVORITE watch is no longer in working order…new battery didn’t even fix it. Makes me sad, but I still wear it on occassion. I consider it an oversized bracelet….and hope no one asks for the time.


When the Kids Go To Bed

November 29, 2011

That’s awesome! It’s good to know I’m not the only weirdo who wears a watch that doesn’t work. There’s power in numbers ladies! We must stick together. Thank you so much for sharing.

Allison DeFord | Trailblazer | 877.764.1771 |


Allison DeFord

November 30, 2011

I have a whole um, towel bar, full of non-working watches. One of may favorites, the Coach with a pony hide band (ssssshhhh! don’t tell the horse whisperer) started working again all on it’s own! Weird? Maybe it’s a sign…. After many temper tantrums and empty threats to cancel Christmas, I now have multi-colored, disco lights AND the demure icicle lights outside, tree up, trimmed and decorated and stockings hung by the (gas log insert) with care. Martha, my dear, you can kiss our lilly white arses….. She’s got nothing on us! From A to V – more fabulousness in our pinky fingers than Martha’s can shake a home-grown, all organic, miracle gro stick at.


Vanessa Punsalang Lindberg

November 29, 2011

1.) I wear watches with dead batteries ALL the time – and I don’t even have kids yet. The ensemble requires it. Plus I pretend I’m wearing it as a reminder to get that new battery.

2.) Remember this: Martha has a FULL_TIME STAFF to take care of everything for her. Do you actually think she’s the one flipping that damn mattress? Also if you buy tempurpedic you never have to flip again. It’s the one of 2 reasons I still have mine.

3.) Do yourself a favor and toss the magazines. Problem solved and you can start a new pile with more current info to ignore.

4.) Now give yourself a big hug.



December 7, 2011

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