Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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It’s Opposite Day!

October 21, 2011 ,







I’ve decided today is Opposite Day.

I’m going to start saying the opposite of what I mean, to my kids, and see if I get a different result. Since saying what I actually mean works as well as if I were a mannequin. Ready, let’s try it:

• Hurry, run out into the street!

• DO NOT eat all that food on your plate!

• KEEP talking, I love it.

• Be louder!

• Stay up all night, do not go to sleep!

• Yes, please sit on my lap during dinner.

• Yes, I do serve POOP to my family for dinner.

• I’m HAPPY to tell you to pick that up 30 more times.

• Yes, please eat a giant bag of candy right before dinner.

• Please, take your time, I’ve got all day!

• I’d love to run you over to the mall, wait outside with the car running and pick you up whenever you’re ready to go.

• Please, have a sleepover with your friend. It’s a school night. Who cares.

• No, do not do that homework.

• Yes, sweety, F’s are perfectly acceptable.

• No, you don’t need to go to college.

• I think you should definitely put those dirty underwear back on.

• Stop it! Do not get into that bathtub.

• I love it when you sass me.

• Want to not finish another Frappucino? I love wasting my money.

• I’m thrilled to do your stinky laundry.

• No, dad and I don’t need any alone time; please, keep talking.

• Yes, let’s go to that super expensive Disney resort on that far-away island. We’re rich!

• Please, wear all my shoes, but DO NOT put them back where you found them.

• Yes, your dad and I both hate you!

• I know you heard me, but are choosing to ignore me. It’s ok!

• No, you don’t have to go to school today. Learning is so underrated.

• Yes, play outside in the rain and DO NOT wear shoes. I’m sure you WON’T get sick.

• You know I love it when you don’t change the toilet paper roll. It’s so cute.

• Stains are the new black. You’re such a fashionista.

• I love crumbs on the counter. Please make some more.

• No, I don’t need any help around the house. Why don’t you go out and play all day.

• Here, take my credit card. Keep it for yourself and buy whatever you want.

• I think you’re old enough to do whatever you want. Make a list. We’ll make it happen.

• No one else exists on this planet but you, my little angel pie! Be as rude as you like.


….I’ve got to stop. This could go on all day. I’ll let you know how it works out.

Stay sane, my friends.


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October 21, 2011

Hmmmm – Since it appears you are in my head, do you have any idea what I did with…(insert misplaced item du jour here). You ARE NOT alone, and always have me in your corner. Filtered or Non-Filtered, Your choice.


V. (@VanessaAlise)

October 28, 2011

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