Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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Major Meltdowns

September 10, 2011 , , , ,

Major Meltdown

Ever have one of those moments when all of a sudden your mood goes from happy to fucked in 10 seconds or less? Yeah, me either. (right)

Here’s a recent example. See if you can relate. Sunday bbq next door at the neighbors. Swimming. Amazing food. Kids are getting along. Chatting up your girlfriends. Life is good. Everyone decides to come over to your house to watch a movie before hitting the hay. Harmless enough. Sure! You say, “I’m just gonna get cleaned up and you all come over in 20.”

…so, you walk next door, enter your abode and all you can see is WHAT IS MESSY, OUT OF ORDER, NEEDS CLEANING, SHOULD’VE BEEN PICKED UP BY SOMEONE ELSE, LUNCHES THAT NEED TO BE MADE FOR THE NEXT DAY, BEDROOMS THAT COULD DOUBLE AS PIG PENS AND YOUR MATE IS SITTING ON THE COUCH RELAXING (normally they’re very helpful, but not right now) and suddenly, here comes your kids and your neighbors to watch that movie you agreed to. Suddenly, I don’t want to watch THAT movie. I don’t want anyone in my house. I don’t even want to be in my house. I wish my husband would spontaneously combust where he sits. I don’t like myself for being this way, but I can’t stop. I really just want to scream and run away or go and hide with a good bottle of wine (or three).

What are these major meltdowns? Are they normal? Please tell me you’ve had them too. Is it just me? Am I psycho? It’s so frustrating. Thank God I have supportive friends and a fairly intuitive husband. (Poor guy, he gets that I’m having a psycho moment…he just doesn’t know how to fix it for me.)
At those moments I just feel like I’m having an out of body experience and I can’t stop falling. The running dialogue in my head is out of control. We’ll call her Jezzabelle. She’s a freak. She’s ugly and hateful and likes nothing at a moments notice. She’s the devil. Where does she come from? Does she live inside me? Has she always been there? I have to say, I don’t like her. I want her to leave and never come back. She’s nasty. Someone please inform her that there is no vacancy at the inn. Sold out. All booked up. No room for you!
With that said, what I do about her is what’s important here. She’s a handful, so I’ve got to deal with her swiftly. I can’t mess around, or she’ll take over. First course of action is to breathe. Deep and steady. Quiet my mind. Quiet her down. Leaving the premises can also be a smart idea. To protect the innocent. A quick walk does wonders. In the case in point, I just cleaned my way through her. Sent everyone home and hoped they’d understand. Husband saw the smoke signals and put the kids to bed before anyone got hurt. Broke out the wine. “Infusion doctor, stat!”Telling Jezzabelle to get the fuck out of my head is also not a bad idea. She doesn’t want to leave, but reluctantly does so.
I’ve got to change the channel when she makes her dreadful appearance. She switches the dial to KBITCH….need KNICE….OR KFUN….OR KLOVE. Anything! Please, just turn the dial. Someone save me from her. She’s psycho and she’s got to go.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has a Jezzabelle.
Please. Humor me.
Stay sane, my friends! xo

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