Confessions of a Professional Mom

Confessions of a Professional Mom

Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

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I’ve Become My Mother

August 9, 2011

Ever had those moments when you say something to your kids and immediately you hear your mother coming out of your mouth.

I think, crap, how did she get in my body?
You know, like:

ME: “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?”
MY DAUGHTER: “Mom, we’re not even talking about a bridge…what does that have to do with Kelly and me?”

“Don’t run with that pencil in your hand, you could put your eye out.”

“There are kids in the Sudan who are starving. They’d be thrilled to eat this food.”
(when I was a kid I believe it was Ethopia where they were starving)

“How many times do I have to tell you to pick up your (fill in the blank here)?!”

“I’m not your maid.”

“Do it because I said so.”

“I’m the mother, you’re the child.”

“Because I’m 43 and you’re 3, that’s why.”

“If I’m so weird, then you’d better drive yourself to Daphnes and buy your own earrings.”

“I’m not made of money.”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” To which, my daughter ran to the back yard, looking for a money tree. (seriously)

…while driving in the car…”Enough already. Talk to the hand.” To which my daughter replied after a brief silence, “Well, hand (talking continues here).”

“Why are these clothes in the hamper, they aren’t even dirty.”

“Who messed up this room?” To which my daughter replies, “I think Lilli did it.” (Lilli hadn’t been over to play in a week or so…nice try)

“I don’t serve poop to my family.” (after my daughter says “what are you cooking, it smells like poop) (sadly, this was groundhog day, for I said the exact same thing to my mom once)

ME TALKING TO MYSELF (soOOO my mother) ….To which my daughter says, “Mom, you’re talking to yourself.” and I say, “I know, and we’re having a lovely conversation.”


I could go on and on. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my mother very much. She’s always been a great mom. I don’t mind being like her. It’s just a little frightening when I hear things come out of my mouth and they sound EXACTLY LIKE HER. I know I’m “my own kind of mom.” I do things my own way.

It’s just funny, for as much as I have traits like my mom, she and I are very different creatures indeed.

-My favorite cuss word is FUCK. That word makes her cringe. She prefers SHIT on occasion.

-I drink large quantities of wine. She does not….thinks I’m on the verge of alcoholism. 🙂

-I like and have tattoos. My mother is frightened of people with tattoos.

-I embrace people of all ethnicities. My mother refers to her hispanic neighbors as “those” people.

-I no longer go to the Church of Christ. My mother secretly thinks I’m going to hell.

-I talk fast and cover 10 topics at a time. My mother is still thinking about 20 minutes ago.

-I love to travel and will do so on a moments notice. To take a 3-hour road trip my mother brings everything, but the kitchen sink.

Now, the ways we are alike are pretty cool. These are the traits I got from my mother:

-Smiles and loves to laugh alot

-Does silly voices

-Never met a stranger

-Loves to give gifts

-Takes excellent care of you when you’re sick

-Loves to sing

-Gives amazing hugs

-Would come get you in the snow, sleet or rain at 2am

-Believes in me 100%

-Always have good hygiene

-Take care of your skin

-Pray and give thanks

-Love and be kind to old people

-Be creative

-Dust only when necessary

-Always carry Kleenex

-Special gifts don’t have to cost alot, just come from the heart

-Hand-written letters and cards are the best

-Never show favoritism with your kids

-Never leave the house without lipstick

Ok, I have to say, I actually have more good things from my mom than I realized. What do you do that’s just like your mom? Does it bug you or do you love it? I guess I don’t mind most of my Mom-Me-Downs. She gave me some pretty amazing gifts and I believe I need to thank her more. Like I tell my kids, I carried you for 40 weeks, gave birth to you, breast fed you and changed over 500 diapers. You should bow down and worship me every day of your life. (They giggle and hug me and say, “Mom, you know we love you so very much!”) Aaaaaah, I am like my mother. 🙂

Stay sane, my friends.


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