Confessions of a Professional Mom
Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.
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Alright, Who Did This?
March 4, 2013
— aliens, bathroom, crazy, kids, life, life after kids, mom, moms, parenting, professional mom, questions
I often wonder what aliens would think if they came to Earth to observe our culture. What they would think if they sat in my house for one day and just listened to the crazy things I say. The questions that come out of my mouth even sound insane to me. On any given day this is what might be overheard and reported back to the mother ship:
Whose chewed gum is this stuck to my table?
Why is there a spoon in the freezer?
Who pooped and didn’t flush?
Is this underwear clean or dirty?
Why is the dog wearing lipstick?
Since when is the floor a hamper?
Why is there cereal in my bed?
Why are my high heels out in the garage?
Do I look like a bank?
What died in my car?
Does everyone need to be in the bathroom while I poop?
Is this a dried booger on the wall?
Who drew on the furniture?
Why do YOU think my boobs are hangy?
Why did I come into this room?
Am I speaking Chinese?
Have you seen my daughter?
Why am I the only one who can change the toilet paper roll?
Why is the dog leash on the baby doll?
What is that smell and why aren’t we all dead?
Can you stop speaking Whinese so I can understand you?
Were you raised by pigs?
Whose children are you?
Stay sane, my friends. Nanoo Nanoo
comments
These were mine today:
I am putting you on that school bus whether you are dressed or not!
If you don’t brush your teeth I’m calling the school and making the nurse do it!
OH NO….LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT I WILL EMBARRASS YOU IN FRONT O ALL OF YOIR FRIENDS!!!! DON’T THINK I WON’T SO PULL IT TOGETHER NOW…all in that very low whisper that moms get the moment their children are born.
if Stella is drinking out of that toilet and you pooped in there and didn’t flush I’m going to beat you !
If you would stop picking your nose your brother wouldn’t be able to tease you would he?
If I pull this car over……..and then I couldn’t remember what my grandmother would say after that so I just trailed off ….
Everyone just stop talking for a few moments I just need a break….
Now they are in bed and I feel sanity returning!!!!
Stay same mamma!!!!! Xoxoxo
Sent from my iPhone
